Thoughts from the heart

I don't want this post to sound like a guilt trip. Just honest thoughts hoping to get you thinking about your own walk with Christ. I realized this morning that I don't really want to know Christ. I used to sing a song as a kid that was taken from Phil 3:10. Part of the lyrics went like this-"I want to know Christ and the power of his rising, share in his sufferings, conform to his death." The song is so happy and cheery that I honestly have never really thought about the words I was singing. "Share in his sufferings, conform to his death!" The actual scripture says, "Become like him in his death." When was the last time I thought, "I want to suffer the way Christ suffered. I'd like to die like he did." And the answer to that question scares me because it is a resounding "Never". But Paul is implying here, if we really want to know Christ, if we really want to know his heart, we must desire this. And I realized this morning, that I don't want that...really. I have never prayed to suffer as Christ suffered. That by any means possible, I want to know Christ. Listen to seriousness of those words, "By any means possible." I don't know if I truly believe that. As Paul wrote in Romans, "What a wretched man I am! Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Because it is only by his grace and mercy will I ever have a chance to truly know Christ.